“You are just a boyfriend” – the Judge said…

My fiance went through a pretty stressful custody case last summer. I attended each court date with my boo to give her emotional support. I remembered feeling pretty conflicted about her position of “joint” legal custody of her daughter. She had experienced a great deal of difficulty the previous year and a half trying to co-parent with her daughter’s “father.” I hated seeing my fiance go through so much unnecessary BS’ness regarding custody rights, while still being cooperative with scheduling visitation with her daughter’s father.

When you’re blending a family, and having to deal with an inconsistent noncustodial parent, it is demanding on the entire household. I’m not a simp dude, nor do I shun confrontation. As a matter of fact I embrace my “straight forwardness,” and at times, take extreme pride in being counted on to resolve issues for my blended fam. So, I took on the responsibility to be directly active in my fiance’s custody case. I knew that  her daughter’s father didn’t respect my involvement, but I didn’t feel I needed a marriage license to give me permission to do s#%t. I’m the man in my house, and as long as the kids live with us they are my business.

As much as I felt strongly about my position, the judge saw things very different. After being given permission by the judge to sit in the actual courtroom to hear the proceedings, the judge very directly informed me that I “will” not be providing any input into the case because I was “just a boyfriend!” That s#%t rocked my lil’ world! It took me a moment for that statement to sink in. My ego wouldn’t allow me to even show any response in court. And on top of all that, the kid’s father was sitting right there! I was like “damn!, judge. Was that really necessary?!”

I realized that the legal system was completely disconnected from the culture of today’s family construct. Almost 2,100 blended families form in the United States everyday, according to The Bonded Family. Smart Stepfamilies states that over 29 million parents (13 percent) are also stepparents to other children. But what is still missing is the acknowledgment of unmarried families that exist in America – on purpose! I consider myself just as much of a “father” to both of my fiance’s daughters as their bio-dads. I would never try to replace neither dad, but that doesn’t negate my hard work. So as much as I understood the judge’s perspective, my position (PNP) is established by my commitment and dedication to those 2 beautiful girls. And that’s something the “law” can’t regulate!